Most of the time, my best words talk through papers and would not through my own mouth.

HOME
Posted on Saturday, October 19, 2024 @ 8:05 PM < 0 tomodachi >
Bismillahirahmanirahim
Assalamu'alaikum




Never in my life would I arrive home sobbing after over a month of overwhelmed and unstable emotions to an opened gate with my mom already standing at the front door to welcome me upon my arrival, until yesterday.

I did come home last month, but my parents weren’t home. The feelings really are different. This time, the relief of returning home, to the familiar sights and sounds, was like a soothing balm to my weary soul.

And the fact that I couldn’t express to anyone at home what I felt and experienced the past months because none of my family is experiencing this “path” as I do, and of course, they couldn’t understand a word, but to just arrive home and see their faces — the relieve really is different.

I bet this is the feeling that the martyrs went through. But greater. After over a century of overwhelming state and devastating conditions, they return to their Rabb with the doors of the Jannah opened upon their arrival, welcoming them to the real home and peace. I bet they couldn’t express a word as well after witnessing the blessings Allah granted them. The relief, the happiness, the blessings that none can tell.




Home, indeed, is a pleasant place to have peace and realign things. But when the heart left to rest too long risks drifting into stillness, where even its beats are forgotten. Home in Dunya is not an actual home we seek unless just stopping by to take a deep breath and continue moving forward. It is the Jannah, the infinite home, that we seek.
It's a truth I've always known, but the journey is far from easy.




Sometimes, it’s like the walls are caving in. They ask me how I’m doing. I say it’s nothing, but I can feel it deep inside. I’m crawling in my skin. It’s just something I can’t explain. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can’t. It isn’t in my blood. Lord, I know You can make this better.